Putting on the armor is a deliberate act whether we know it or not in response to grief of one or several losses: A marriage, an identity held for a lifetime, a perfectly healthy body, a loved one, especially a child, I think. The armor protects us until we're ready to take it off. Then we can be more free to think about or get back to our life's purpose, our future, our potential as the Universe sees it. But what if it gets stuck on us . . . if the armor won't come off when we think we' "should" be ready?
I think one thing that holds the armor in place is guilt. We may feel, deep down, that we have broken a moral law or standard of conduct somehow connected to the traumatic event. We feel we're guilty of a crime and must go to the court in our mind to be judged, over and over again. But let's take a moment to look around at who is in this court of perpetual prosecution. Who is this judge who declares us guilty, then innocent, and then pulls us back in for the very same crime again and again? How can we be judged again for the same crime in our minds but not in the legal system? Who is our defense attorney that works hard to set us free but then doesn't object to the double jeopardy when we come back in for the same crime? Both the judge and the attorney are not serving us well, and . . . . wait for it . . . . they're both us!
We feel the guilt, then we rationalize, most of the time fairly accurately, that we are not the only one at fault, but then regress back into the guilt again - back to court. Stop, I say. We must find a way to let the defense rest so we can move on and back to health and spiritual wholeness.
This post goes out to the undeserving guilty. Whatever the event, there were others involved making their own decisions, too. Even if you've attached to the identity of the one who "fixes" things and then came up against a time when you couldn't, that can't be all your fault. Perhaps this is all another rationalization, but is necessary for spiritual health for you and those around you.
Love to all, Deb B.